


It's Driving Me Mad

by monkiainen



Series: Love And Other Moments [2]
Category: Fast and the Furious Series
Genre: Epiphanies, Identity Issues, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 19:34:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3180593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkiainen/pseuds/monkiainen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian and his identity crisis, over the course of the whole movie series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Driving Me Mad

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt _Identity crisis (any movie)_ for the Round 15 of smallfandomfest.

What was he? Why did he exist? What was the point of it all? If he didn’t have his badge and gun, did it make him a lesser man? Or was he supposed to be a fugitive, running from the law? Who was the real Brian?

Brian didn’t know where he started and Brian Spilner ended anymore. It was all just a big mess in his head.

It wouldn’t be so complicated if he hadn’t fell in love with Dom. But because he was supposed to play the role of a petty-criminal-slash-womanizer, he was pretending he was in love with Mia instead. It wasn’t fair to Mia, not at all. But Brian just couldn’t go and tell Dom the truth. No. Brian could only guess what Dom’s reaction would be, if he went and said: “Hi, my name is Brian and in truth I’m an undercover cop. I’m also gay, and I’m madly in love with you, but in sake of my cover I have been flirting with you sister the past few months. I would like to kiss you very much.”

It wouldn’t turn out well. Brian kept his thoughts to himself, jacking off to the thoughts of naked Dom at nights. Every time he was kissing Mia, he wished it would be another Torretto instead. Brian wished that the semi hijackers were caught soon, because he couldn’t take it anymore. Dom was so close and yet so distant. Life was a bitch.

Of course, things didn’t end the way he wanted to. Oh no. Dom and his friends just had to be the culprits, hadn’t they? And Brian had to blow his cover because Vince got himself injured. Dom was never going to forgive him this one.

Staying in Miami was nice, even though he wasn’t a cop anymore. Brian didn’t know what he was, then, if he couldn’t be a cop anymore, because he sure as well didn’t want to end up in jail. Maybe it was all meant to be – maybe he should have never become a cop in the first place, given his youth. Maybe all he was meant to be was to steal cars and drive fast. Yes. That was his identity, the man he was supposed to be. If it was written in the stars then why did it feel so alien? Why did it had to be so fucking confusing?

Brian was more than surprised when he was offered a job from the FBI after what happened in Miami. A job was a job, and this was all legal, so why not? At first Brian thought it was what he had been waiting for all his life: being a federal agent, chasing criminals in a suit. How wrong he was. Pretty soon Brian discovered the life of a federal agent was less than glorious and more like tedious. But it was his identity, so he kept it on, even though his heart wanted him to be something else.

His path crossed with Dom once again, and that’s when Brian knew what and who he wanted to be. Or more like, with whom he wanted to be. Too bad that Dom hated his guts. It was the price he had to pay for letting Dom go all those years ago.

Later on, Brian wonders what made Dom trust him back then, as he had no reason to. Was it some sort of infatuation, or just a fluke? Either way, nothing makes Brian happier than Dom’s trust. Well, to have Dom for himself, for the rest of his life, would make him even more happier, but that’s not going to happen.

And then it does. Brian can’t bear the idea of Dom rotting away in prison, so he does the unthinkable: he helps Dom escape. That night, when they are hiding away in a seedy motel somewhere in Mexico, Brian thinks it’s now or never and finally spills the truth. Turns out Dom had some secrets of his own, too.

Having your honeymoon phase in Brazil sounds awfully romantic. It might have been, if not for Reyes. And Vince’s death. And Hobbs. Other than, they had _such a great time._ Beggars can’t be choosers, or how was that again? Still, it could have been worse. Brian sees himself in Hobbs and hopes that the DSS Agent will someday find what he is looking for so desperately. They might not be friends, but they respect each other.

In the end it doesn’t matter because now Brian has Dom and he finally knows who he is. He is a man in love, a fugitive, a petrol head, a friend. He is no longer a cop, or anyway involved in the law enforcement, nor does he want to be. This is who he is.

There is no need for more identity crisis after this.

London is a disaster, in more ways than one. For one fleeting moment Brian is sure that Dom will leave him for Letty, because her “death” was so devastating to him. Brian should have known not to worry, because that night Dom shows Brian how much he loves him.

Brian’s heart aches for Han, for losing Gisele in such a horrid way. They are doing the best they can to comfort their friend, but Brian sees what Dom refuses to acknowledge: Han is nothing more than a shell, his soul and heart destroyed the moment Gisele took her last breath. Brian can only hope Han will find his comfort one day, in one form or another.

Then there is Luke. A reluctant ally turned to a close friend. It’s surprising, really, how certain events change you. Brian has seen how Luke looks at them, with a barely hidden longing in his eyes. Luke might think he is fooling everybody, but Brian knows better. Perhaps it’s time to talk about identities with Luke now that he is staying with the family for a while. They might not be the most traditional family there is, but nevertheless, they are family and that’s the only things that matters.


End file.
